So I stuck my finger in my toddler's mouth yesterday, and I found three new molars at the back...

Now I know why he's been a maniac for the last two months.

Duh!

The lump in my throat grew bigger with each tear that fell from my toddler's eyes that morning. I could feel the depth of his desire as if it were my own. And as his mommy, my desire to fulfill his was just as great. All I was able to do was hold him close and tell him I understood. 

As he peered over the half-door into his classroom all he could see on the table was the playdoh. Again. It was the same tired activity he did yesterday. And the day before. Oh...and the day before that. He just couldn't bear to mold that dough into one more sea creature. Summer camp should be so much more! 

With his head buried in my shoulder he lamented once more, "I want to build sandcastles."  

I've been there. I understand the frustration of wanting something so badly that crying and throwing a fit seems the only logical response to the alternative. I get how tantalizing a glimpse of something other than what I've got can look. Sandcastles always trump playdoh.  

As I left my crying toddler in the arms of his teacher, my eyes filled with tears.  I wanted so badly to go back and get him and take him to the sandbox to let him build to his heart's content. I'm convinced that God gave me this child to teach me more about discipline in my own life more than his.  

After whispering a prayer for him (and me), I heard a tender whisper back to me from the Lord...Sometimes working the playdoh is a skill necessary for building sandcastles. 

Whoa! And gulp!!

This took me back to so many times over my life when I have begged and pleaded with God to get me out of a situation, circumstance or season. So many times I have bawled my eyes out as I told myself and Him I just couldn't take one more minute of this.  I'm so thankful He just held me close and told me He understood; that he left me there to work that playdoh.  Because now I see that those very situations or circumstances were necessary for the beautiful and carefully crafted sandcastles He has built for me.

Psalm 126:2-3 

Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy. Then it was said among the nations, “The Lord has done great things for them.” The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy.

The last couple weeks have been hard fought. Our toddler is in the throes of discovering and testing limits, boundaries, and rules. Testing is an understatement. He is boldly facing his giants and strategically taking them down!  I am not going to lie...I am one of them! 

This is the part of children that people don't speak of in detail. It is referred to as the terrible twos but people just don't go into detail, and now I know why.  It is a season parents want to block out and not speak of for fear of ending up in a corner sucking a thumb in the fetal position.  It's horrible. It's unpredictable. It can sneak up on you and knock your feet right out from under you leaving you sprawled on the floor with the overwhelming temptation to tap out! 

Anyway...alongside the terrible twos, our little one is in the midst of his 2 year old sleep regression. Y'all...I can't even...

It's been hard on us. It's been hard on him.  Our marriage has definitely been tested.  And I've been on my knees a lot.  I know God has a sense of humor which is why I think he thought up the whole idea of parenting. Yesterday, while the rest of the nation was celebrating the 4th of July, we got a reprieve from all the stress of nobody sleeping.  

The man child finally went down for a nap and we were trying to get stuff together to get out of the house for some holiday fun. B was in the office figuring out which local festivities we would attend and I was working on gathering all the stuff you have to take with you when you leave the house with a toddler.  You know...all the snacks, swim gear, festival wear, and items that will distract them when they lose it over not being able to push the stroller "by self!" But also all the items you'll need if you suddenly have to change activities for no good reason whatsoever!

I was on the back porch getting towels that had been left to dry in the sun and when I picked one up from the ground something darted out from under it so quickly I couldn't see what it was. But when something moves that quickly...uhhh...I do too!! I was back up by the door in one leap looking for it when it darted across the porch again. A spider! I have never in all of my years of seeing spiders seen one move that quickly. And it freaked me out!  It not only ran fast but it was big and brown. 

When he stopped to rest, I hurried inside to get a shoe for killing doing my best to remain quiet so not to wake the beast in the crib. I couldn't yell for Brad nor did I have time to go get him. It was all on me and I was praying for the God of the Angel Armies to give me some power!  

When I returned with my weapon he was still resting under the water table.  As I was about to strike him, he took off TOWARD me!  OH.EM.GEE!!! In one giant leap I was across the patio and in the doorway.  Peering over my shoulder to spot the enemy, he had disappeared. 

Sweating and out of breath, I came inside and closed the door totally freaked. Brad came walking in to see what all the ruckus was. Red-faced and panting I said, "Spider. Big. Brown. I can't. It's scary! It might be inside. I don't know. Please help!"

So B took over. We looked around inside and couldn't find him, so he...very carefully and quietly...went back out to the porch. Shoe in hand, he began slowly and methodically lifting things to find that sucker. After several minutes we decided he probably ran back into the yard and we would not find him. I had been standing on the inside of the doorway cheering him on. Brad made a move to walk inside and when he did, that stinkin spider darted in front of him and came toward me again! He was now inside my house!  We were both running and that thing was chasing us. Brad was yelling, "Get me some bug spray," and I was silently screaming as I was sprinting to the bathroom. We WERE NOT going to wake the babe! 

When I got back in to the living room, Brad had him cornered. I handed him the wasp and hornet poison and he drenched it.  He wanted to make sure he was dead so he struck him with the killing shoe 4 or 5 times while that thing bounced all over the place. 

Y'all.  I was undone!  

And then we laughed. And laughed. And it was a welcome sight to see in this house. 

Only God can know how big life situations and circumstances can be to us. As we try to distract our toddler, so He finds things to divert our eyes to help us lighten up. And I know He had to be getting a kick out of watching us run from that spider.  

Only Jesus could know how far He's brought me and the depths from which he has rescued me. I'm humbled and grateful. Deeply grateful.

He is my rock. My portion. My deliverer. And because of Him I am no longer a slave to fear.
​

Proverbs 31:25  She is clothed in strength and dignity, and she can laugh at the days to come.

Applying my mascara last Sunday morning, I noticed that all manner of wrinkle lines were extending up and out from the top and bottom of my pursed lips.  Always on the lookout for natural things that will help me look, feel, and act younger, I remembered an article that I read somewhere at some point in time that said that if you smiled more, the less wrinkles you would have.  Since I’m not one to believe everything I read, I SO tried it!!  

It was quite a sight…me applying my make-up with the biggest, most fake smile you could imagine.  I resembled a goofy character from SNL.  But as I continued to smile from ear to ear, my smile turned to a giggle because I looked so darn nuts in the mirror. As I  pictured  my husband walking in while I was smiling, that giggle turned into laughing...ya know...hard. Like belly laughing.  Then tears...oh the tears...were messing up my freshly applied make-up but I wouldn't stop. As soon as I gained composure, the giggling began again. And I spent a good 5 minutes cracking myself up. 

And you know...it completely changed my morning. I mean...I wasn't  in a cranky mood to begin with; I guess I was just kinda blah...going through the motions to get on with my day, but by the time I finished my little experiment, I actually had joy. My heart felt lighter. My worries were absent in the midst of those moments.  And my inner voice was at peace.  It was good.  It was different. It was good.  

In the day after dayness of my journey, I hope I can remember this...that joy isn't something that just comes natural to me.  I'm fairly certain my husband would agree!  And neither is any other fruit of the Spirit. In this world where heartache, pain, bad news, monotony, and ick constantly surround us, joy is something to be pursued; and to obtain it takes action.   Plastering a goofy smile across my face while I apply make-up; finding a way to make unfunny things funny; waking up early to spend quiet time with the Lord; whatever I must do I must do!  

The first four weeks of summer have been spent road tripping. I've literally come home from one trip, thrown laundry in the washer and packed it right back up to turn around and leave for another one.

It's been so much fun!

During the first week we trotted off to OKC to spend a few days with my parents. I feel so fortunate that both my folks at 79 and 81 still enjoy good health and that they are feisty enough to enjoy their youngest grandson.

The next week we hijacked Brad's business trip to Austin and hung out with my sister, niece, and nephew while he worked.

After that we spent a few nights in Corsicana catching up with my two besties from high school.

And on the 4th of July we headed south to spend the week on S. Padre Island to soak up some sun and good seafood.

In between trips we have played our little hearts out, spent time with friends and family, and eaten all kinds of good food.

I'm so grateful for quality time with my favorite people. My heart is full.

It's 2:02 a.m. We are almost into the 3rd day of vacation and we are not even to our final vacation spot yet. Lying here in bed with Fireball's leg draped across me, I am listening to the tune of everyone else sawing logs. I am sleepy. And I am awake. Wide awake.

I can't help but think of a few cross exchanges I've had with my husband on this trip and I wonder if I will ever be able to let things roll off my back the way I so long to and the way God has so eloquently described the wife of noble character in His Word.

Sigh.

This side of heaven...probably not.

But this I know...he who began a good work in me will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. (Phil 1:6)

And the promise in that truth takes all the pressure off me to be perfect because the work He has done, is doing, and will continue to do is His work. Not mine. And all I know is that more often than not...I have not earned nor do I deserve the sweetness of these blessings...

But I accept them with open hands and an open heart. Thank you Lord for your work. This is the result of Your hands, and my heart is full that you gifted them to me.

Warning: this is gross.

Well...yesterday was weird. I don't know if there's anything on this earth that could have prepared me for parenting a toddler. Or...just parenting really. And I think...I think...that I have just kind of had a "haha that's funny" perspective for anything I've ever read from anyone who has ever been forthcoming with their weird (and gross) parenting stories...thinking that weird (and gross) stuff won't ever happen to me if I just stay on top of things.

Well...no. No it isn't that way at all.

Fireball has been a little stopped up lately. So last night when I went to change his diaper, I was relieved upon finding a treasure. !! 😜

Because he is at the age where changing his diaper puts a cramp in his style, he could not contain his wiggles. Changing a full diaper of a very busy toddler is a challenge everyone should have to experience. Everyone.

After his new fresh diaper was secured on him, he sprung to his feet and was off to do his thing. I stood up and noticed that one of the little treasures had rolled out of the diaper and onto the floor so I grabbed a wipe and moved it ever so carefully to the throne and flushed it. As I was walked out of the restroom, he appeared at the door...chewing. When I asked him what he was eating, he replied, "No."

There's a certain look on their face when a toddler has done something he knows he shouldn't. And that is the one he owned in this moment.

Praying that it was just a cheerio he found on the floor, I picked him up and walked to the kitchen scouring the floor on the way. I turned into the kitchen and there on the floor lay a small little treasure from his diaper. That had been nibbled on.

I gagged. And gagged. And asked my almost two year old what on God's green earth he was thinking. Because ya know at 21 months he should know better, right? As he looked at me with his innocent eyes, I reminded him that we do not put treasures such as this in our mouth. This goes in the potty. Always. And never in our mouth.

After brushing his teeth (and disposing of that toothbrush) and washing out his mouth, I looked to Dr. Google for some help. Apparently this is common.

Nice.

Bottoms up y'all!

I've sat down numerous times in the last two weeks to write this post. Many times I was interrupted by my little Fireball. A few times I fell asleep while writing, and a couple times I forgot what I was doing while I was doing it.  The joys of midlife changes while chasing a toddler are matchless! Those are two things I never imagined occurring at the exact same time in my life!  I'm a scattered mess these days...and I wouldn't trade it for anything in this world!

Anyway...

Not long ago the women's ministry at my church held an event for women called Pink Impact. I wasn't able to attend the event but heard an excerpt of one of the messages. And it rattled me. I was moved by its impact and haven't been able to stop thinking about the simplicity of it since.  

Do something. 
    Do something. 

I have often struggled to know or understand my purpose. Although my upbringing and my head knowledge tells me that I'm exactly where God wants me, I still often struggle inwardly. I am guilty of getting comfortable in my zone and waiting on God to do big things for me, in me, and through me. Sometimes that wait time is lengthy and I get frustrated. I wonder if He hears me.  I wonder if He knows me. I wonder if He cares.  And in that process life happens and my flawed self makes all kinds of mistakes.

He always delivers, and sometimes slower than I'd like.  These two little words made me wonder, though, if sometimes when I don't feel Him near if that's because He's waiting on me to do something. Something.  Perhaps His slowness is not slowness at all. Rather He's waiting too. Waiting on me to act on the things He's laid on my heart.  It’s possible I will find a treasure in that something that will be the stepping stone to something else that equips me for my journey.

There have been times in my life where He has completely taken the reigns and moved mountains in my behalf. The little miracle pictured above would be the latest example, and if you’ve known me very long you understand just what kind of miracle took place in our behalf.

I have no idea what the future holds, and I have no idea what kind of terrain I will tread, but I want to do something.  So…I’m going to give something new a whirl.