Sometimes I marvel at how far I still have to go in my journey toward wholeness and healing. I’m not sure why. I mean...I’m fully aware of my sin and weakness. I know that sanctification is a process I will experience till I take my last breath on earth. Maybe that’s part of my wretchedness...the prideful inkling that I have sometimes that I might actually get to a point where I have figured out how to do life and that I won’t have such a needy spirit.

There’s been a petition I’ve brought before God consistently in my adult life—a thorn in my flesh that I’ve tried to shake numerous times to no avail. Quarantine has brought it into light probably more than anything else I’ve ever lived through, so my prayers have really amped up around this part of me I long to let go of.

He has for sure heard that prayer because He’s given me test after test to take up that cross and follow Him. I’ve responded and reacted for so long the same unholy way, doing anything else is is frighteningly odd and foreign.

Not long ago, my husband started the process of the nighttime routine and told our little boy to get his pajamas on. He responded as an undisciplined 6-yo should...whining, becoming a limp noodle on the floor, and doing anything and everything except what he was told to do.

This is one of my triggers and there’s nothing my flesh felt the need to do more than take over this situation and force the little one into compliance. I wanted to raise my voice and lecture, but for some reason my tongue was on lockdown and I had no words. I couldn’t move either. So I sat...in silence...watching my husband parent in the exact opposite way that I would. I’m not sure what happened there because sitting quietly and holding my tongue is not me. I can only imagine that it was the mighty and powerful hand of God answering a prayer I’ve prayed for ages.

After it was all over and the little one was in bed, I had a gentle reminder that my Father is trying to teach me first time obedience as well. He wants me to give Him my harsh, angry responses and replace it with gentleness. He wants me to let go of trying to control my people so that He can. And for the love of His Holy Name he wants me to let my husband lead!! More often than not, I’ve responded to those things with whining and complaining and being a limp noodle on the floor.

I’m thankful He loves me too much to let me act the way that my flesh wants to. I’m thankful He has heard my prayers and cries for help. And I’m thankful He’s answering.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

For years and years and years Mother’s Day was such a bittersweet day for me. As I honored my mom and other influential moms in my life, I also battled thoughts and feelings that I was being punished and/or unworthy to be given the gift of motherhood. I believed the lies way more often than I care to admit and now realize what an open door it was for the enemy. All he had to do was whisper it and I would step into a downward spiral of destruction.

That path never got me very far.

Even though my circumstances are completely different now and God answered my prayer to be a mom, the lies still come. Often I still listen and sometimes get sucked in to believing them. That path still doesn’t take me very far and this I know...it never will.

My little boy is going through a phase where he is having ugly thoughts about others and sometimes himself. Thankfully, he leans towards the extrovert and tells us when this happens. We point him back to God’s Word and tell him that just like the snake spoke to Adam and Eve and lied to them, the snake is also telling him lies and trying to get him to say bad things. We are teaching him that the best way to overcome is to say the opposite out loud and remind him how big God is. My prayer is that he will learn to recognize the lies and learn the important discipline of taking his thoughts captive and speak Truth instead.

Last week he told me that he was having a bad thought about me and he X’d it out and said “My mommy is sweet and kind and she loves me a lot!” And then he joyfully trotted off to play.

I believe this is exactly what God intends for us. He longs for us to come and tell Him about our darkness so He can restore the joy of our salvation and happily skip off to live our abundant life.

Whatever lies that dang snake is whispering in your ear, take it to God Almighty who knows what Truth you need to hear. Dare to be convinced into believing Him. If you draw close to Him He WILL draw close to you!

And if you can’t get to His throne yourself, find someone who will take your hand and lead you There. I have a handful of fellow believers who do that for me and I called out to a couple of them for help this very week. Once I hit my knees, I poured out my heart and asked, “What is the Truth about me when I fail?”

In the quietness of the moment, He answered...

You are...

• Loved
• Chosen
• Forgiven
• Redeemed
• Called
• Equipped
• Strong
• Mighty
• Rich in love
• Merciful
• Enough

If you’re reading this, then He wants you to know the same. Be convinced, sweet friend that He who began a good work in you is FAITHFUL to complete it. The author and finisher of your faith is working through every relationship, circumstance, & situation to reveal Himself and His goodness to work all things together for your good.

It’s true.
♥️ deanna