Sticking my neck out there is not a usual characteristic of mine. Playing it safe is more my cup of tea. This prompting offered me another opportunity to choose faith or fear.
​
~~~~

I uttered a prayer while the phone rang.

Lord...please soften the heart of the one who answers.

“...Correctional Institute, how may I help you?”

“Uhhh...my name is Deanna and I am calling about one of your inmates who is pregnant.

With a baby. (Duh!)

She and I have a mutual friend who told me that she requested prayer at one of the bible studies for someone to take her baby when it's born because she does not have anyone to take it and my husband and I are possibly interested in adopting the baby can you give me a contact name or some information about what I need to do?”

Gasp!

My nervousness was obvious.

The motherly voice on the other end asked me if I had contacted the baby’s mother yet. When I told her that I hadn't because I wasn't sure what I needed to do or how to go about contacting her, that sweet angel gave me the information I would need to contact her along with the name and number of her case manager.

My heart leapt.

~~~~

After a quick text to my husband and two confidants telling them to pray, I dialed the number of the case manager.

Somewhat relieved it went to voicemail, my shaky voice blurted out a message and then I hung up. Full of emotion and uncertain that my message made any sense, I got up and went about my day, phone in pocket and notepad in hand.

My phone never rang.

By day’s end I had two voices battling for my attention. One poked fun of me for believing this could actually happen for us.

The other beckoned me with a calm assurance...I will never leave nor forsake you.

Brad and I came back together after a few days of separately pondering the possibility and covering it in prayer. He asked if I had been given any clarity, and when I told him what came into light for me, that was enough for him to bless the decision to move forward. He expressed his concern for us to stay vigilant in prayer and not allow the process that would undoubtedly be challenging to come between us or the goal of adopting a baby become an idol.

Wise words from a wise man.

When a divine appointment is laid in front of you, it infuriates the enemy of your soul. Any barrier he can construct or re-construct becomes his agenda. He knows all about the power of Hope inside his targets and will stop at nothing to de-construct it.

~~~~

“The mother hasn't been back to bible study and Katie doesn't have any information at all. I don't know what to do. I knew this was too good to be true, and this isn’t going to happen for us.”

Hopeless and discouraged, I spewed my angst on my sister.

She questioned, “Have you been praying about it?”

Perturbed, I shot back. “The end of the school year has been nuts! Work is overwhelming right now, and with everyone at my house for the wedding and graduation festivities, I can’t find any time to myself to gather my thoughts or needs to even talk to God about it!”

“Well...I’m not sure what to tell you.”

Wise words from a wise woman!

Her response humbled me. I realized the only thing over which I had control in this situation was to pray. Fervently.

Neither God nor the enemy were going to make it easy. Only I had the power to choose fear or faith. If I chose fear, I would suffer the consequences. If I chose faith, I would reap the benefits.

I ended the call and knew my sister was right. I had to hit my knees and approach this thing from there for the duration of this adventure.

~~~~

Thursday, 6.13.13

Thankfully I’m in a profession that allows me a good chunk of time off to rest, recover, and play.

I started my day with quiet time in God’s Word and prayer. As always, I knew to position my heart with thankfulness and in agreement with Him about my ungrateful attitude I had been wearing. And then I picked up my wants and needs regarding this baby situation and I laid it all out before Him.

Here's what is on my heart, Lord: This baby in Oklahoma that may or may not be born yet. You created him and you created his mom, and I know you have a good plan for him. I don't know why this situation has crossed our path and I don't really understand how we fit in to it. But you do. And Lord, I don't know what to do. Nothing has happened and my friend doesn’t know anything. I don't know what you want me to do...or if you want me to do anything...

Call the prison.

Ummm...what?

Call the prison.
Tell them the scenario.
Ask for a contact name.
Trust.

Lord, I'm scared. What do I say?

Crickets.

I was barely off the phone when the enemy pressed in hard...

Don’t go tell Brad about this. It’s outlandish and the chances that God is going to do anything to help you is is laughable! Besides no one would choose you to be the mother of their baby anyway.

I’m not sure why I ignored the lies this time when falling for them had become so natural. Certainly it wasn’t me, but Hope in me, that defied the natural response. I got off the bed and marched straight into the room where my husband was sitting and told him about our friends I hadn’t seen in ages who knows a girl in prison that is pregnant and doesn’t have a family to take her baby. And...uhhh...the baby is due in about 5 weeks.

Hmmmm.

That was his response.

Why don’t we both pray about it this week and discuss it next week.

~~~~~~~~~~~
​
Praying is exactly what I did. Or begging. The two had become synonymous by that point in my wrestling match with God and discerning between them was pointless. What mattered was that I was still wrestling. I hadn’t tapped out yet.

Over the next week, this new possibility was the focus of my time with Him.

One thing I had learned was to be thankful in my petitions...regardless of my feelings...along with worship and praise. I had learned that how I approached Him mattered because it not only gave Him the respect He deserved, but it placed me in a childlike posture with the ability to receive. He requires things of us that are for our good.

I prayed for wisdom beyond our own. For a peace that would pass understanding. For clarity. And for both of us to receive the same message regarding this trek we might step into.

I also laid out every horrible thought and fear that was poking around my thought life. I cried. I laughed. I said, “Could this be?”. And then I fully received the leaping of my heart at the possibility that the answer could be “Yes, Beloved.”

As usual, the adversary tossed me some ridicule for the new Hope in me.

This time I tossed back.

He will never leave nor forsake me.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Two days later, I was up early before work, again petitioning. I opened my Bible and before I could get to the scripture of the day, two verses popped into my mind...

James 1:27
Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

And...

Psalm 82:3-4
Defend the weak and the fatherless;
uphold the cause of the poor and the oppressed. Rescue the weak and the needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked.

After reading them in context, I sat quietly and let those scriptures dance around in my head for a while.

This isn't about you. Your comfort. Your lifestyle. Your finances. What you are capable of or not capable of.

At all.

It is about Me and the Hope I give. It is about a baby, who I created and for whom I have a plan.

If I can't use you, I can find someone else.

~~~~~~~~~~~

He hears us when we ramble from our hearts. He’s in touch with our fears. He knows our flaws. He sees our circumstances.

And sometimes...
...He spells out His.very.simple.Truth.